We’ve all been there. And let him who is without sin cast the first stone…

But somehow, when accusations of having sex with the local bike go round they’re normally meant in a euphemistic sense. However, in Scotland they call things what they are and it appears that sex with a bike means just that.

From the Metro freesheet, here’s a report of a man being caught apparently having sex with his bike. Details seem scare (and I’m not sure I want to know), but when he was caught by cleaners in a hostel he was allegedly naked from the waist down.

Responding to the allegations, the defendant is quoted as saying:

You’ll need to ask the cleaners why they would say that. It’s a lot of rubbish, a lot of rubbish.

If only bikes could talk…

Reminds me of similar weirdness I once read on the Singletrack forum about a guy who admitted to ‘feelings of pleasure’ riding his bike in Lycra shorts. I just wish I could find the link!

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About the author

Matt is one of the founding Molefathers of the Muddymoles, and is the designer and main administrator of the website.

Having ridden a 2007 Orange Five for many years then a 2016 YT Industries Jeffsy 29er, he now rocks a Bird Aether 9 and a Pace RC-627.

An early On-One Inbred still lurks in the back of the stable as a reminder of how things have moved on. You can even find him on road bikes - currently a 2019 Cannondale Topstone 105 SE, a much-used 2011 Specialized Secteur and very niche belt drive Trek District 1.

If you've ever wondered how we got into mountain biking and how the MuddyMoles started, well wonder no more.