Muddymoles mountain biking in the Surrey Hills and Mole Valley

Arse Bandit, or ‘Anything Colin can do…’

Posted by Dandy | June 30, 2010 | 13 comments so far

Andys's raggedy arse
As is my custom on these fine summer evenings, I snuck down to the North Downs after work tonight for a play around.

I parked in the Holmbury YHA car park, and first off I practised some drop-offs on Telegraph Trail, just like the ladies from Astounding Adventures showed us. Then it was on to Yoghurt Pots for a couple of runs.

On Holmbury Hill, my routine was to circle the cairn and on the way back to the start of the trail I would practise lofting the front wheel; again, just like when we had the day with Astounding Adventures. Some may recall Colin’s comedy off, where he flipped over the back wheel when practising his manual and fell flat on his arse.

Tonight history repeated itself, and in exactly the same spot. This time the victim was yours truly. I have spared the world any photos of my heavily grazed left buttock, though Mrs Dandy was suitably appalled. She then lapsed into her now common refrain of, “Serves you right you daft old bugger, isn’t it time you took up golf instead?”.

For those demanding some photographic evidence of the carnage, I present a photo of the ripped shorts that have now been discarded, presenting me with the opportunity to perhaps purchase something a little more blingtastic.

Is there a moral to this story? Not really, just that if you want to improve you have to practise, and sometimes we get it wrong.

I didn’t pack up after the ‘off’, but managed another descent of Yoghurt Pots, then BKB, then played around on Surfer Rosa, or what’s left of it, before 2 more on Yoghurt Pots then Telegraph Trail back to the car park.

I hope to make it out tonight, buttock permitting.


About the author

Having been mountain biking since 1996, you might have expected Dandy to have learnt to ride a bike by now. Several broken bones in the last few years prove the maxim that you can't teach an old dog new tricks.

In between hospital visits, Dandy rides a brace of much-blinged Pace RCs, the 'green themed' 405 and the silver & gold 506. His winter hack is the Moles' favourite, an On-One 456 hardtail, now converted to an Alfine hub He also dabbles in 'the dark arts', keeping 2 road bikes in one of his seven sheds.

There are 13 comments on ‘Arse Bandit, or ‘Anything Colin can do…’’

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  1. DandyC says:

    On reflection, I think the moral to this story is, “When practising the manual, ensure that feathering the back brake to prevent overbalancing is not overlooked.”

    I think Colin would agree with that. Ride on, Moles.

  2. Matt says:

    D’Andy, there’s a lot of it about. I ripped the backside out of my shorts on the way back from Newlands on Sunday, just practising the ‘throw the bike forward’ thing.

    The moral there is don’t leave your baggies in the way!

    I didn’t even realise at the time as I just heard a noise that sounded like velcro opening. Odd, I thought but I couldn’t see anything obvious until I checked at Polesdon.

    New pair of shorts for me then…

  3. Colin says:

    D’Andy, its flattering you have chosen to emulate my er ‘style’.

    He who dares and all that – we will be riding gods one day

    Like the look of Altura Apex shorts……….

  4. JamesProH says:

    Would have been funny to see. Let me know when you do a solo and I will come along, just for a laugh. Damn near 30C in our office phew at least I have 2 fans and no hair to mess up!!!!

  5. Cathie says:

    Is there a moral to this story? Not really, just that if you want to improve you have to practise, and sometimes we get it wrong.

    I thnk your statement posted above says alot and certainly relates to how I feel today – play golf instead of what I have had relayed as “pissing about in the woods”.

    Give me MTB any day, get her out with the femoles 😉

  6. DandyC says:

    Blingtastic replacement shorts on their way

    Dandy by name, dandy by nature!

  7. Dave says:

    Isn’t all that Solo riding that you will be doing going to be a tad lonely? ;oP

  8. paul901 says:


    Oh my God, those shorts are hideous, if the thought did not make me ill I would suggest the Moles turn up en masse in World Cup team Mankinis.

    Sombrio shorts, Noooooooooooo!

    I thought off-road clothes had to look like Kevin the Teenager?…

  9. Dave says:

    That’s what you should have bought D’Andy. Be ideal for the PFar.

  10. Matt says:

    Oooh, good find Dave! Of course you’d have to wear them ironically (that’s like nickel but made of iron) but I can definitely see D’Andy in this gear.

    I’ve always fancied a pair of Rapha plus fours myself.

    ‘I have a need, a need for tweed!’

    Oh and guys… don’t forget the shoes

    By the way D’Andy, those Sombrio shorts – minging mate!

  11. DandyC says:

    Us fashion trailblazers always come in for some stick, until you sheep make our style mainstream. Besides, with my ‘ripped’ physique anything looks good!

    … and before anyone else says it, I know the only thing that’s ‘ripped’ about me is those old shorts!

  12. MikeG says:

    “DandyC says:

    Blingtastic replacement shorts on their way

    Dandy by name, dandy by nature!

    They are in a sale – I wonder why?

  13. D'AndyC says:

    They’ve arrived. Will I be forced to ride solo at Swinley tomorrow?

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