Muddymoles mountain biking in the Surrey Hills and Mole Valley

Another Banzai Badger

Posted by Mark | September 15, 2009 | 7 comments so far

The screaming reality of Dusk ‘Til Dawn suddenly hit me last week, as did the realisation that the most strenuous cycling I have done over the summer has usually involved trolling along with my children in tow. In order to try and shock a bit of fitness and stamina into my lardy body, I have been popping out for a quick (mainly tarmac) sprint round on a Monday evening.

Last night I took a very random route round the quiet back streets of Fetcham and Bookham, looping back and forth in an effort to make up an hour of cycling, while trying to do the whole ride in one high gear. I rode through Fetcham village, up Cock Lane, round past Mr C’s house and out onto Bookham Common. After running across the Common, I followed a number of footpaths and wrong turns until I ended up on Little Bookham Street.

As my cycle computer has packed up, I took a quick time check and discovered I had only been cycling for 25 mins, so I doubled back on myself several times and eventually ended up at the end of the driveway up to Polesden Lacey. After a quick drink I cycled along the bridleway toward the top of Crabtree Lane, and then carried on along Admirals Road, aiming to come out at Bocketts Farm top car park.

It was while I was happily riding down the last section of Admirals Road that I encountered my own Banzai Badger. I heard quite a lot of rustling in the undergrowth to my right which drew my attention to that side. I was somewhat surprised therefore when a badger shot out from the left hand side of the track and decided that the best thing to do was run across in front of my bike, and then run along the track for a good few yards almost under the front wheel of my bike before darting back into the undergrowth.

After the Stig’s brush with the Nadger Badger, I have to admit that my own balls withdrew back into my body cavity as I tried not to run straight over the swerving badger, and the skid marks, both on the trail (and in my pants), don’t bear thinking about.

The rest of my ride was uneventful, but I have to wonder why we are suddenly the targets for badger attacks. Evidently the big black and white buggers have got it in for us mountain bikers, and now my fevered imagination is filled with the idea of teams of Banzai Badgers wrapping their white head bands around their heads as they prepare for their final kamikaze missions to bring down mountain bikers.

Then again perhaps I should just concentrate of getting ready for Dusk ‘Til Dawn!


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  1. Matt says:

    Haha! Nice one Mark.

    trying to do the whole ride in one high gear

    Singlespeeding? Shurely shome mishtake!!

    As for Badgers, I recently got an email with the title ‘Beavers!’ Imagine my consternation only to breath a sigh of relief that it was only my wife passing on an email about my eldest son starting with the Scouting Association…

  2. Andy C says:

    The recent increase in badger attacks are a direct result of our activities in promoting the ‘mole’ logo. Surely this has woken some deep sense of mistrust of all things mole-like within the badger community.

    Clearly the sense of injustice felt after the rejection of the alternative group name of ‘Bookham Badgers mtb’ is stronger than we realise.

    We need to work closely with young badgers to remove this sense of alienation and bring them into the mainstream mtb community. Perhaps IMBA funding is available to train them as mobile ‘berms’ for edging rain-affected trails.

    Groups of young badgers could be trained to line the edges of trails at night, allowing us to maintain our speeds around the rain-eroded lines.

    This would not only bring a deep sense of belonging in to the badger community, but their fur would also clean the mud off our bikes at the same time! A real ‘win-win’ situation.

  3. Colin says:

    Hilarious from both of you! Keep taking the medication guys.

    Just had one of those embarassing moments where my colleagues are wondering why I find a set of accounts i’m apparently working on so amusing.

  4. Matt says:

    LOL at Andy!! That was very funny, keep drinking the Cool-Aid mate!

    Always been partial to a bit of Badger mee-self…

  5. Andy C says:

    I too have a Beaver tale … details tonight

  6. Muddymoles says:

    Ride Report – Sunday 20 September – Pitch Hill

    The Moles go to Pitch Hill for some route mapping and find autumn really is perfect for Surrey Hills riding.

  7. Related: Ride Report - Sunday 20 September - Pitch Hill | Rides | Muddymoles: Mountain biking (MTB) in the Surrey Hills and Mole Valley

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